i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
