so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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