I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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