You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
