Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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