he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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