We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
