life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
