Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i dont even know how to be here
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
