my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
