Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
