so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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