I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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