my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
