I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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