I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Randomize
