I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
