Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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