Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we're so committed to being not committed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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