How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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