I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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