when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
