i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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