You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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