Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
