weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
