So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
only you would photoshop your dick
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He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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