it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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