So drunk its hurt
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
