Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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