In the future we'll all be gay
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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