so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
