my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
