I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
