i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
