He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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