I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
