I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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