I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wanna go halves on a baby?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
