While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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