I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
