Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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