Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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