it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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