If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
