he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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