why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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