Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
