something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
