Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Your penis caused this!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
