Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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