So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have already put on my inside pants.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
