You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
