i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
