I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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