today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
