Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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