Is it normal to miss your booty call?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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