went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
