the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
