I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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