Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
