I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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