Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
