I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
