Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
