I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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