the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
