why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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